Wednesday, April 8, 2009

“Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War,” by Alison Buckholtz


Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War,”
Alison Buckholtz
(Tarcher/Penguin, April 16, 2009; $23.95)

Alison Buckholtz used her graduate degree working for a non-profit, lived less than an hour from most of her family, and what she knew of the military and its culture came from tv or the newspaper. Then she met her Navy pilot and everything changed.

Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War,” is the story of what she learned about the strength of the military family, especially the strength of the military spouse. Her journey through so many of the experiences we all go through as military spouses is a rich account of the military sub-culture that flies under the radar of many civilians.

I found myself gripped by the story of a spouse who was pregnant and had just had a car accident. When Alison called the woman’s friend at the hospital to see if she could help, she was asked to go to her house and retrieve some necessary legal papers. What she found with the papers was a woman in crisis. Her house was beyond a mess, evidence that she was having a tough time caring for herself and her children, and coping with the deployment of her husband. In short, she needed lots of help to deal with her situation. The wives did what most military spouses do without thinking twice: they banded together to provide whatever she needed. By cleaning the house, stocking the fridge, and being there to help her, they helped her get strong for her family.

This book tells of the unique challenges military families face every day. We handle these challenges to the best of our ability, sometimes with grace and sometimes with graceless effort and determination, but always with love for our active duty spouse. We do our best to raise our families in a healthy environment while providing the support our military member needs and deserves.

All military spouses will enjoy this book. The portrayal of our “normal” will make us appreciate ourselves and our strength just a little bit more. Give it to your friends who are facing yet another deployment with small children and an impending birth all alone, or to the ones who are making a move to a place and a home they rented sight unseen in an unfamiliar place. It will help them realize we are not alone, we are part of a large family that is always there for us when we need them.